i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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