i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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