Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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