R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
