yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
