No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out mid-signature
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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