They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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