I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
