i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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