Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
