you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
