So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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