To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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