Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
