A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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