remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You can't motorboat a personality
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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