I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
