I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
