I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
