omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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