Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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