i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
