why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
