I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
