I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Bring me that man meat
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
