Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
