Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
