My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Holy shit dude........stairs
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