I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
