Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
