Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
