rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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