She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
