Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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