I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Quick, to the slutcave!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
