id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
