I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
When are your genitals available?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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