What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She's the barista slut.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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