there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.