i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?