I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me