so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together