I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.