she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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