before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
