Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
