Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Vodka?
Forever.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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