i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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