whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
