You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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