the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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