your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
