it was like his penis was on wheels.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
