You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Randomize
