God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
