During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
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The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
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I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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