im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
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The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
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True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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