is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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