The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
