Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
