ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
