I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
