His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
