I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
