Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
