He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
