I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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