Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Randomize
