I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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