I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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