Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my being single is dangerous.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
