I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
